Anticipation and Anxiety

Time is an interesting matrix that provides a playing field for progression and regression. At certain points digression occurs, which seems to expand or contract time , leaving everything a little more diversified, a little more defined, but despite digression (whether positive or negative) life still seems to function in a bipolar world of experience that leads eventually to either progression or regression.
I would like to think that I am engaged in either one or the other--progression or regression--but my better judgment tells me that I am sometimes simply suspended in the viscous dimension of waiting. Waiting seems to transcend time yet is completely dependent on it; i.e., the gap between two points of time becomes inconsequential to reaching the end point, but nonetheless waiting is the gap between two points of time. Perhaps my biggest problem is not using this suspended time to make decisions regarding the path of progression that I would like to take.
Life can be a very competitive place, and often coerces individuals to forsake a pursuit of passion for a pursuit of security and prominence. I am not so bold as to claim one is better than the other, simply, I wish to say that one may be more rewarding than the other dependent upon motivations. Take for instance two people who pursue careers in a similar business field. For the sake of illustration we will say that that field is the sale of medical supplies to various types of practices around the country. The one individual enters the field with great excitement over the pending prospect that successful sales will bring him large revenues. The other enters the field with hopeful optimism that he will be able to provide a necessary medical supplies that will benefit eventual clients. The first man comes home at night and prides over his profit and his elevation in the company based on his performance. The other enjoys the intangible idea that many are being helped through his comapny and his work. The first painstakingly strives to find more opportunities to gain greater market share and elevate himself in the company. The more sales, despite actual needs of the offices, the better because he works on commission and is mainly concerned with revenue. The latter continually works at penetrating more areas of his region in order to provide better services to help more people. He recommends only the best equipment to suit the needs of the offices he services because he is mainly concerned with the permanence of the practices providing adequate care to their patients.
The example is a little tongue-in-cheek, but the point is clear--perhaps, motive matters more than career. I think that this is the main reason why I perpetuate my restless state of teetering between possibilities for the future. I have not yet allied my motives with my career choice. Until then, I suppose that I will continue to wait. Thus, time will continue to pass, and others around me will continue to progress or regress, and I will keep wondering what it is that I want to do.